As Weather Permits

 Balancing life as a mom, a farmer, a wife, a business woman, a blogger, a personal chef for two, a volunteer and a good friend is tough to do while maintaining my sanity. I think, for the most part, I fared relatively well prior to becoming a mom, but that in itself is a full time job that even I couldn't understand until I was thrown to the wolves into it.  Truth be told, the first several months of Eowynn's life were a complete blur; and yet those sleepless nights spent sobbing on the couch while she cried back at me at 3 in the morning seem like a lifetime ago.  Once we did a little Sleep Training at 8 weeks, things started to take shape, but I still spent the next two months essentially on my couch, though at more reasonable hours and crying for different reasons (Post Partum Depression is a real thing, guys).  I knew I wasn't leading by a healthy example, and as the number on the scale began to grow, and my clothes began to get more and more snug, my mind also continued to spiral. Something needed to change, but what?

Throwback to warmer days

Some (okay, many) of those tears were completely unrelated to motherhood, and while sometimes I didn't know why I was crying (hormones are fun), a lot of times I knew exactly why - Sierra. Since she chucked me, I have been really contemplating our relationship and how she fits into my life, child or not. It's a little silly; people fall off or get bucked off literally every day, and yet for some reason I felt like her fate on my farm hung in the balance because of it. I still feel like I know why she did it, but I'll never shake that feeling of burning intent she had in the moment.  She wasn't spooked, she wasn't sore, she just plain and simple wanted to be a dirty beyotch to prove a point.  In 3.5 years, she's never done that to me, and that shook me. It didn't necessarily instill fear in me, but it really bothered me. It still does.  It shook me that despite only some scratches, bruises and ripped clothes, she rag dolled me with such force that it popped an internal cyst that I've had for 15+ years.  Things like that really put your fragility into prospective, and with a little one who depends on you and your able-bodied abilities, it would leave any sane person pondering the future.

(Let the record show, she has bucked with me but not with that level of malicious intent to get me off no matter what it took)

She definitely dumped my tote while I was brushing King

I continued to wallow in self pitty for several weeks, unsure of how to proceed.  I was frustrated, and angry. 3.5 years of hard work seemed to be gone or irrelevant; I couldn't tell.  Eventually I came to the conclusion that in her current state (pasture bronc?) in the dead of winter, she was essentially unsellable so there was no sense in fretting right now.  Part of me still longs for what I thought was a wonderful bond she and I shared, while the other part of me is chanting "life's too short to ride the wrong horse", a well-known motto of mine.  Either way, my mind was made and for the time being, there's no sense in losing sleep over this trainwreck of a situation I got myself into, and I owe it to Sierra and anyone else in her future to do my best to remedy the damages before considering passing them onto someone else. I don't know if I'll ever sell her, but at this point all I can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep on trudging to the top of what feels like Mount Everest.

As many know, I live in Northern Alberta, and winter weather doesn't lend itself to riding. In addition to that, the local indoor has closed down so we literally have no indoor option within a 1.5  hour radius at this time, though current finances wouldn't allow for such frivolous spending anyway.  My husband works full time and is busy on the farm on the weekends, plus we are in the darkest season where it's nearly pitch-black by 4 PM, which means I am very limited in my ability to "play horse".  I've alawys been nervous to take Eowynn around the horses for fear I trip/fall, get kicked or ran over, but despite it all - I trust Sierra (on the ground, at least) so with a baby strapped to my chest, I've been making a point of getting outside and doing some ground work.

When I first got Sierra, it was evident by her intent to gallop hell-bent for who knows what, and freaking out so bad she snapped the cheek pieces on my $400 Dressage Bridle, that lunging was used as a punishment in her previous home.  I didn't lunge her for a very long time because it wasn't conducive to anything productive except a wound up, sweaty horse - I was okay with it, because I never want to have to lunge before I get on anyway, so I tucked that trouble into my pocket to tackle another day.  Last winter, I spent some time working on her lunging, and we made some great progress. By the end of the winter, I was able to lunge her to the left w/t/c at the full length of the line, and the right was pretty good as well, aside from some ducking-in issues, but she's generally weaker on the right regardless.

I decided that when weather permits, I would do ground work and lunging as my hubby graciously abided by my requests to plow off an area near the pasture so I could do some work with her and I wanted to see it get used. (He also plowed several trails for winter use, because he's amazing.)  I chose to do my first session with her on a Sunday, when I could leave Eowynn with him incase she acted a'fool.  Much to my surprise, she was like a lazy old lesson horse on the end of the lunge, and spent most of our grooming time 3/4 asleep.  I know how important turn-out time is for a horses mind, so maybe things were already moving in the right direction.  Unfortunately, she was a little off on the line but did seem to warm up out of it to become nearly sound. I calked it up to being out of shape, recently having her shoes pulled, and being on uneven frozen ground, and kept her going as she did show some improvement.  I kept things short, because it was getting dark and about -15 so our session only lasted about 10 minutes, before getting another brush and turned back out with her buddies.

A warming trend visited us again, and I decided to test my fate and get back out there, this time with Eowynn. She has a cool little sled, but there's no way she would sit in it for half an hour without getting mad, and I had some concern she would get cold so I put her in her carrier on my chest facing outward, and began teaching her all there is to know about horse ownership. First, we grabbed our supplies and stuffed our pockets full of cookies, because you can never give too many according to Sierra. Then, we brushed her but I quickly learned for safety sake, I had to forego some crucial steps like picking feet, which luckily appeared empty of snow.  I also learned that I needed to move my body in completely different ways than I'm used to, such as facing forward while using a long bristled dandy brush so I don't flick it all directly in Eowynn's face, and standing sideways incase for some strange reason, Sierra spooked into me so she hit me, and not Eowynn.  I've also become hyper-aware of where I put my feet while clambering across frozen ground; not an easy task with a baby strapped to your chest hiding your view.

Regardless, Sierra was quite lovely despite a brief 'wahoo' moment where I questioned if I would need to let go of the lunge line, she settled and Eowynn seemed to thoroughly enjoy watching the horse go round-and-round.  It was rather windy as is often the case with warm spells in the winter, so any time we faced into the wind the poor kid was sputtering with the struggle to breath, so I spent most of my time with one hand on the lunge line and the other over her face to block the wind, and Sierra seemed more sound than she had in our previous session.

The following day, we set out again to take advantage of the warm weather and exercise Sierra.  Sierra seemed a little less stiff than the day before, but I noticed that an old area where a summer abscess broke through was cracking out, and naturally; it was on the same side she was a little off on.  Insert eyeroll at myself for being stupid and not considering it, but much to my surprise she was moving a little better on the line.  We kept things fairly short, because naturally now I am concerned about putting unnecessary strain on the already cracking-out, cratering hole as it continues to grow down, plus Eowynn was less impressed with watching the horse go 'round and 'round today.  I pondered doing something with the hole, but decided that it's out of my control at this time.  She's already on high quality feed and supplements, so unfortunately all I can do is take solace in the fact that I'd rather have to give her 3 months off in the Winter than in the (already short) Summer.

Life got in the way, so Sierra had a day off before we were able to get outside again, but she was back to looking a little more sore initially, though it didn't stop her from deciding to continually spook at my dogs, who she's been around for 3.5 years, and act like a complete goober at times.  Surely, the added tension on her hoof wall wasn't a good thing, but she eventually settled and worked quite nicely on the lunge, before ending our session.  I thought maybe on the weekend I'd climb aboard for a walking ride, but the stars didn't align and someone forgot to sacrifice a goat for me, so I didn't have a chance as other engagements took priority.

Naturally, this week looks positively lovely weather-wise but daylight is not on my side to be able to ride so I suspect more groundwork is in our future.  Eowynn's fairly content for me to pack her around, but she's not at the point where she will sit in her sleigh for the time it takes for me to catch, groom, tack up, ride, untack, groom and turn out. Regardless of the missed saddle time, I'm really impressed with how she's been behaving on the lunge, and despite turning me into a lawn-dart recently, I appreciate that I can trust her while I have Eowynn strapped to my chest.  I'm trying not to stress about her intermittent soundness (or lack of), as it's truthfully very minimal and inconsistent, and could even just be the frozen, uneven ground, so time will tell.  I used to feed pure biotin powder that I purchased at the local Vets, so I have sent them an e-mail to see if they still carry it and if so, I will incorporate that back into my feeding plan to hopefully provide a little more help as this nasty hole grows down her hoof.

Candid of King, just 'cause