2018 has been a really tough year for me, and while I know i'm not alone it feels like 2018 was a real doozy that has me feeling lost in a haze as we move into the Holiday season. I'm trying really hard to fight the uphill battle to general happiness, and i'm clinging to the hopes of a prosperous and productive new year.
In early 2018, I put Kidd back into work after a sale fell through, and after a few weeks of perfection, I started noticing problems that I thought were long-since resolved (years prior), and I decided to have him Vetted. What turned into a simple Vet trip and the thought of maybe starting something like Legend, resulted in a downhill mudslide of chaotic events that just seemed to gain speed as time went on. After months of Vet appointments, experimental injections, and multiple consultations with even more qualified Vets, my bank account had put it's foot down and I decided to take Kidd home and give him a year off. It hit me like a heart attack and while I do notice he has days where he seems no better in the pasture, I'm anxiously waiting for spring where I will put him back into work and re-evaluate to see if there has been any improvement.
Throughout that time period with Kidd's lameness issues, I was facing issues in another horse avenue - the breeding shed. I had Vida on a breeding lease from a friend, and the plan was to breed her in March, however given our northern climate and lack of leg-work when it really counted (like, November), her system wasn't ready and we wasted precious time and money on inseminating her the first time in April. After some hormone manipulation, we were able to inseminate Vida again on May 25, and confirmed ovulation and pregnancy shortly after, as well as most recently in September. She's now happily 6.5 months pregnant, and looking fabulous.
|Sierra was feelin' herself with the weather change!|
After my disappointing Spring, I decided to dig my self-inflicted hole of financial ruin even deeper, and I went horse shopping. After what seems like a short search, I stuck to my guns of my 'must haves' list and found my Unicorn, wrapped in a beautiful dark bay package. On June 9, I brought Sierra home and she has been the light at the end of this dark, damp, twisty and disappointing tunnel that 2018 lead me down. Even though we have had our share of struggles along the way thus far, it has been a very, very long time since I have felt my tension slowly melt away at the sheer presence of a horse, and on top of the personal and horse-related challenges 2018 demanded I face, Sierra has helped me keep things together, even if those 'things' resemble an awkward art project created by a toddler. While I do feel guilty I haven't been riding much lately, after the challenging deck I have been dealt this year, I am just as happy to sit in the stall and listen to the quiet grinding as she munches on her hay after brushing every square inch of her multiple times. She's the therapy I have been lacking in my life, and I can't wait to see what 2019 brings for her and I as our partnership develops. I don't feel sorry for myself and the hardships that have continued to shape me into the person I am becoming, but if nothing else this year has shown me that I have the strength to add leg and keep moving forward.
For the sake of keeping up appearances online and motivating myself to continue adding the leg as metaphorically mentioned previously, I am going to strive to do Monthly goals rather than quarterly. At this point, I imagine a lot of my goals (mostly during the outdoor riding months) will gravitate towards things 'outside' of the dressage ring. I have some loose goal ideas right now, but I hope to keep my goals achievable and with the purpose of bringing me joy and relaxation, which means I'm not sure if I will plan on showing much - and if I do, it will just be small, local events for the sake of getting out and being an active member of the community.
The haze that surrounds my life is slowly lifting, and I can feel myself becoming zen and grounded again. A shift is on the horizon and let me tell you, I can't
fucking fire-truckin' wait.