Change in the Wind
I always swore I would never let a baby change my life when it came to horses. I told myself my life will continue on as per usual - I figured it might just take me a little longer to get things done. Ha, good joke Alaina.
Eowynn has been earthside for 5 weeks, and two weeks ago I took Sierra to a friends to leg up for me so we weren't both completely unfit messes when I was healed enough to get back in the tack. I figured if she was a little fit, she would be in a better position to take care of me while I try and get my bearings back given that I haven't ridden in months, and i'm still healing. Sierra was actually due back yesterday, but my friend had a rodeo that resulted in her taking a few days off and she wanted me to get my moneys worth, so instead I get to pick her up tomorrow. Luckily, the weather for the upcoming days this week looks fantastic and might warrant me actually being able to get some rides in. I have no idea what it will feel like, or how much i'll be able to do but i'm really looking forward to finding out!
My 2020 filly (for sale) because I have no media
Unfortunately, I recently came to the disappointing albeit confidently made decision that I am going to explore selling Sierra. If motherhood has taught me anything besides just how little sleep one needs to function, its taught me that you can love something immeasurably, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily right for you - or at least, not right for you at that moment in time. I never had intentions of selling Sierra, and even after having a baby the thought never crossed my mind, but as the days passed and my body took longer to heal than expected and I learned just how occupied I would be, I began to feel the guilt set in. I'm sure you know the guilt - the one where you recognize you have a perfectly talented, capable and willing partner wasting away in a field. In this instance, I don't feel incapable of a horse of her type, but rather I have come to recognize that my priorities have shifted and as such, I wont have the time to invest in her that she needs to continue to progress. Not only do I not have the time, quite frankly, I don't necessarily want to make the time and I've dealt with a lot of guilt coming to grips with that.
It's no secret that Sierra isn't an 'easy' horse. She's one of the best horses I've had the pleasure of sitting my butt on, but that doesn't make her an easy ride. She and I get along extremely well, but she has some excess baggage from previous ownership that has made some things particularly difficult - things like competing, and trail riding weren't as fun as they could be, because she still needs schooling through them. I'm sure a large part of it is my own anxiety, but regardless with this newfound order of priorities came the realization that for at least the next 5+ years of my life, i'm in no position to keep a horse that needs that level of work. It was a tough pill to swallow, and it's still stuck in my throat.
In all honesty, I still feel guilty. I still don't know if it's the right decision, and i'm still sad at the thought of selling her. My head and my heart are in conflict, but i'm following the logical path. I think if she does sell she will always feel like "the one that got away", but I need to do what's right for her, myself and my family. As such, I decided to send her down to CA for consignment with a few stipulations. I wont let her go for just anything, she needs to go to an exceptional home that understands her quirks, and there is a deadline to get her sold before winter sets in. If she's not sold by the deadline, she will be coming home and i'll know it wasn't meant to be. In the mean time, I will likely ride my hubby's gelding Banker when I can, and possibly be on the search for a new horse in the near future as I still fully intend to ride, but I need something a little more turn-key at this stage in my life. Kids have a funny way of changing your life in such a way that I truly don't think you can understand until you have them yourself - I know I sure didn't.